November 2007

***After reading my posts for this month, I have made the executive decision (hey, it’s my blog and I get to do what I please! ) to replace letters after the first letter of foul words with stars because they are SO offensive. We are all adults (if you aren’t an adult you shouldn’t be reading this), so I’m sure you can supply the additional letters if you are so inclined, and if not you don’t have to be as bowled over by my lack of finesse in word choice. I would ask you to please remember…I am only human, with huge flaws, and I think that the blogs this month show that with clarity…this could be defined as the beginning of an angry period.

I really have to date? Are you freakin’ serious???? November 1, 2007

How exactly do you go about this??? Does anyone here realize I haven’t dated since I was 16?? This seems like a horribly awkward situation…

Dating Clarification November 2, 2007

Okay…so I just wanted to say, first of all, thanks for the advice, ladies, and second of all, I wanted to clarify…I don’t want to find THE ONE at this point…I just want to be able to go out and have fun. I read somewhere that women usually do one of two things at this point in their lives…they either 1) never ever date or 2) become total sex-freaks and sleep with anything that moves. I do not wish to be either of these things…I met a woman at the bank one day who has been divorced for 13 years and has never dated…holy cow!! I DO NOT want to be that woman! So…I’m going to push myself here, take a few risks, and have fun. The only males I know at this point are related to me or live next door to me (okay, that’s not true, but darn close), and I really just want to get to know people, to have real conversations w/ real boys! Not sleeping around, not compromising myself, but having some real fun…not sitting at home 13 years from now wondering what happened!

Down with December (The first in a series of blogs) November 27, 2007

So…here we are, hurtling toward the end of November and the beginning of that dreaded month, December. Why, you ask, would I dread such an awesome month? I certainly never have before, but..

1) He is getting married (married!) on the 14th, just six months after I found out that anything was wrong in our “perfect” marriage. The crazy thing is, I don’t know why this bothers me so much. I certainly don’t want him back, and can say with as much certainty as one can that I wouldn’t take him if he begged. He has hurt me and my girls way too much for that to happen, not to mention the fact that I am having way too much fun discovering my own life! I guess it just bothers me because…it’s so wrong. It seems like he should need some recovery time here…what was I? A piece of trash that he could just throw away? A disposable wife? I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again…if I would have picked anyone in this world who would do this, he would have been my last choice, even behind really important people like James Dobson and the Pope. AND they’re going to VEGAS for their honeymoon….a****** never took me anywhere (of course, they don’t have any money…her daddy is covering their a****…he’s probably relieved that someone would still marry his w**, marriage ruining (mine isn’t the first) b*** of a daughter)!! ~~Sorry…that was angry and bitter~

2) My girls aren’t going to be home for Christmas. This royally bites. Seriously? Haven’t I been through enough? Don’t I deserve them on one of the most important holidays of the year? I just want to skip the whole d*** thing. And in fact…I’m going to try. I am doing a good job of faking it for them…I dug out all of my nativities (I have 12 now!!), put up the stockings, and even went and bought these 3 cute little gatlinburg trees (our huge tree just wouldn’t fit in the apartment) so that we could hang up our ornaments (minus the ones that I smashed, such as the one he gave me of Prince Charming kissing Cinderella’s hand…that was a joke! and minus our “First Christmas” ornament, which I put into his ornament box. I loved that ornament…wonder what he’ll do with it. I knew I couldn’t just break it or throw it away, so it’s best that I don’t know. I’m going to do Christmas with the girls on the 27th, open presents (I bought them waaay to much stuff….I don’t even believe in spoiling kids, but I guess I am this year), go to Garden and have lunch at Applebees, go to the eye doctor (I know, this really isn’t a Christmas thing, but they need to go), and then see a movie and come back home. It’ll be fine.

Huh…when I look back at this blog, I think that December can’t possibly be too bad…there are only two things (granted they are really big sucky things) that are making it that way. And besides….all of you amazing people are going to help me get through, right? And…you’re going to make it an awesome month for me, right?? You guys are really the best!

Devious December…hee, hee, hee (The second in a series) November 27, 2007

So…we’ve already established the fact that Jenn’s December blows…now let’s talk about how we’re going to make it fun and memorable for *ME!

Here’s what I have so far…this weekend I have a lot to do (girls not with me), but on Saturday night I am planning on at least hanging out with a friend (not a bad thing) but MAYBE…going to Garden and getting an old coworker/friend (female) to go out with me to have FUN doing whatever people do when they go out..

After that, it’s two weeks of being mommy, playing it straight and living my normal life, but then..

I know that I have to be doing something on the 14th, because there is no way I’ll make it through if I’m thinking about what is happening.  I’m not sure if everything will work out, but my plan is to leave at around 1 or 2, and then head into Wichita for 1) supper (I learned last time that this is an important first step to a night out) and 2) drinking, lots of drinking at my most favoritist bar in the world.  I have a great friend who has volunteered to be designated driver for the evening, and I plan on getting  drunk like I’ve never in my life been so that I don’t have to think about a d*** thing that is happening. Now, I am an educated person. I am intelligent and pretty straight-laced, and I know that coping with your problems with liquor is a bad, bad thing. HOWEVER…I am going to give myself a pass on this occassion, because there is nothing else I could do that night that would make it go away; not watching a movie, not praying or reading my Bible, not even having fun with friends. So…drinking it is. In a safe place, with a person who I trust with my life, and with all of the great people who frequent the place (it’s not a loud, smoky, bumping and grinding bar…it’s more like the bar on “Cheers…” people are friendly and educated, they all know each other, and they are nice! Okay…so that’s the fourteenth, followed by the fifteenth when I’ll be sick.  HE informed me that “they” are leaving on the fifteenth (didn’t tell me why…the wedding on the 14th is TOP SECRET…don’t tell anyone, especially not me!) and that I would need to be at home so that he could bring the girls back even though it’s HIS weekend to have them. If this were two years from now and he were getting remarried, I would be fine w/ this, but because it’ll be less than 2 months after our divorce was final, I’m not so okay w/ my daughters coming home talking about the flippin’ white trash wedding. So…I think I’m going to see if my mom can take them until Sunday just to shield me from the girls’ excitement a little (and to give me recovery time, which isn’t terribly responsible, but give me a break…I’ve been responsible since I was 16 flippin’ years old)

Okay, onward we go…we get out of school on the 19th, and a*** will still be on his honeymoon discovering what a psycho he married (he really should listen when everyone in the whole flipping town is telling him these things). Of course, he’s supposed to take custody of the girls on the 19th for his Christmas visitation, but never mind…I’m keeping them until the 20th for dentist appointments, then they’re going to his parents until they decide to get themselves back here for the limited time he gets to see his daughters (since he chooses to have very little contact with them otherwise) and then….I’m OFF!!! More about this in the next blog…this one is a bit long!

Continued Deviousness (the third in a series) November 27, 2007

So…Christmas break…this is where YOU come in…I have from December 20th at noon through December 26th at 6:00 to fill. I don’t have tons of money, but enough for gas, a little food, maybe a motel if I need one (hopefully I won’t because of my friends, hint hint). My plan for right now involves swinging up to Fort Riley to see Sara for a couple of days before getting lost to go visit *mystery person* on my way to a friend’s parents house where I will get to uncomfortably watch another family have Christmas

So…any suggestions?? Anyone need visited by me? Even if I haven’t seen you in years, go ahead and ask…I don’t mind imposing (this is a joke…I haven’t gone that far over the edge, people). Anyone know anything hilarious, fun, or quirky to see in central or southern Kansas? I’m open…say anything, I won’t hold it against you, although I do retain veto power!

My Life Really Is Great November 27, 2007

I just want to say, that while I do have my struggling days, my life is going really great right now…how many people get a second chance like this? I have the most AWESOME friends, a great family, a sister and a brother I was afraid I would lose, and I’m meeting new people. I have two amazing little girls who I love with all my heart. I have my own PLACE!! A job I love….and the prospect of an awesome future. I’m looking forward to several things in the next few months, including a road trip, meeting new people, and really getting on my feet now that I am free and clear and can move on.