Prodigal, Again.
“If you aren’t moving toward God, then you’re moving away from him.” I don’t know who said this, but I do know that it is wise beyond wise. There is no such thing as just standing still in my relationship with Christ, and I would do well to remember that a lot more than I currently do.
When life brought me to my knees, I turned swiftly toward God, knowing that nothing I or anyone else could ever do would be enough to pull me out of the dark hell I found myself in. He welcomed me home with open arms, and allowed me to cling to him in the way that only the Heavenly Father can. It’s easy to find God at those times; I was reaching for Him, trusting that He would catch me, and He was right there, where he always is, arms out and ready to catch me when I asked.
Lately, life has been good. Really good. Am I complaining about that? Definitely not. I am beyond thankful; I know Who provides this. The problem for me when it comes to “good” is that I am a forgetful idiot, and I tend to let my relationship with God drift. Today I found myself asking where God went, and then I realized that was the wrong question; it has nothing to do with where God went. He’s right where He always is, arms open and somehow still patiently waiting, whispering my name and pulling me back into his fold. I’m the one who moved, like a trusting child who just always assumes her parents will take care of her. That’s me.
The past few months I have felt like I was really getting somewhere in the healing process, and really getting on with my life. I know that that is indeed true, but I need to remember it won’t all happen just like that. I’m not going to magically wake up and think that this life is just how it’s supposed to be. My life is broken, the result of living in a broken world. I know that it pains Him in the same way it pains me; I know that He experienced my pain and so much more up on that cross, and I know that He is the only way to live my life.
I’ve been on autopilot lately; doing all of the things I’m “supposed” to do, going through the motions, but not really living meaningfully. I’ve been much too focused on ME instead of on others, and I’ve wasted a lot of time and energy because of that. I don’t even know how to begin getting back on track, but I do know WHO to get back on track. I hope that’s enough.
Living on my own, thinking for myself
Castles in the sand, temporary wealth
Walls are falling down, storms are closing in
Tears have filled my eyes, here I am againAnd I’ve held out as long as I can
Now I’m letting go and holding out my handDaddy, here I am again
Will You take me back tonight?
I went and made the world my friend
And it left me high and dry.
I drag Your name back through the mud
That You first found me in.
Not worthy to be called Your son
Is this to be my end?
Daddy, here I am
Here I am againCurse this morning sun
Drags me in to one more day
Of reaping what I’ve sown
Of living with my shame
Welcome to my world
And the life that I have made
Where one day you’re a prince
The next day you’re a slaveAnd I’ve held out as long as I can
Now I’m letting go and holding out my handDaddy, here I am again
Will You take me back tonight?
I went and made the world my friend
And it left me high and dry.
I drag Your name back through the mud
That You first found me in.
Not worthy to be called Your son
Is this to be my end?
Daddy, here I am
Here I am again~~~Prodigal, Casting Crowns
I agree with your comments about when things are good we tend to not rely on God as much. Remember those devotionals I sent you about how the enemy sneaks in a little at a time and slowly gradually pulls us away from the Lord? It is so easy to not spend time with God because I will “do it tomorrow.” And the next day we say the same thing and before you know it, it’s been a week and no time spent with God. That’s what I’ve struggled with the past couple of weeks. It will be like, “Oh I really need to do this tonight” or “I need to get this done. I will spend time with God tomorrow” and before I know it the week is gone and I’m not feeling close to God….we just need to recognize that this is how the enemy works. Hope you have a good week! See you Wednesday.
Have you heard that Casting Crowns song “Slow Fade?” It really says it well. I always feel like if I’m a committed Christian there shouldn’t be any slip-ups, because I’ve given my life to Him. One of the best things I’ve heard on this topic is that if we were all that perfect, we wouldn’t need Him, so it is a constant battle.