So Blessed

Christmas is one of those times during the year when I (and many others) tend to reflect on where I’ve been and where I’m going, a time to ponder the blessings I’ve been given and the things I’ve learned of late.  I must tell you, I could not have imagined in my wildest dreams that this would be my life, and, while there have been moments (perhaps even hours, days, weeks) of disappointment, I also could not have imagined that I would ever reach a point of thankfulness and contentment quite like this ever again.  I have been blessed beyond my wildest dreams in the past year, and while there are still difficulties in my life, I stand aghast at the wonders being given to me!

One of the richest areas of blessing in my life has been in the area of relationships; after the divorce I felt as if I had been stripped naked in front of the entire world.  My entire life was fodder for gossip in our little town, and I felt as if a giant “F” for failure had been slapped onto me.  Little did I know that that label was only my perception of the situation, my own judgementalness  coming forth to haunt me.  I gained rich relationships in that town, and I rekindled relationships with old friends and family I had left behind on the road I had set out on.  I did not come here friendless; it was almost as if God was preparing the way for me long before I came.  It has only been six months, but I already know that lifelong friendships are forming with coworkers and my church family.  I’ve found a whole group of people who share common interests with me, which has been incredibly rewarding.  It’s almost as if I was trying to be someone I wasn’t for my entire adult life before the divorce, and now I am actually getting to meet me.  This is a greater gift than I ever could have wished for!

Financially speaking, a light has appeared at the end of the long, long tunnel, and while I will never be swimming in pools of money, I think that with careful planning I will be able to pay off our medical bills and really have a chance at getting on my feet.  This is no small way thanks to my father, for he has done the most unexpected things ever.  My dad has very strict beliefs, one of them being that kids need to make their own way in the world with no help from their parents, which is why his Christmas gift to me was all that much more shocking.  He bought me a car!  Yes, you heard me right…an entire car!  Now, my pride almost couldn’t handle this…a car is no small thing, and I don’t want anyone to think I am a spoiled rotten brat who gets whatever she wants.  When he called to tell me, he just told me that I need a new car (very, very true…mine was on it’s last leg-I got it when I was a junior in high school!), and that while I couldn’t afford one, he most certainly could and he wanted us to have reliable transportation.  I got it last weekend, and it has done something amazing to my perspective; before I felt like I was in a financial deadlock; my car needed major work, including a new oil pan, new brakes, new belts, and who knew what else, and I didn’t see any way out of my situation.  Now that that isn’t a worry I feel like there is a way out; it’s like I’ve been thrown a lifeline and I can finally start to pull myself up.  I sat down last week and really looked at my budget, and since I had already made several cuts, I can now make it on my salary without child support if I have to,which is a good thing since I haven’t received any for awhile now. I have also chosen to stop allowing myself to play the victim in that situation, and have filed for income withholding so that my girls can receive good medical care and can have the things that they need.  I have a great job, a nice home, a car that has working brakes and that isn’t going to break down, and I’m finally getting back on my feet!  Blessed!

Difficulties are an inevitable part of life, and tomorrow will bring with it heartache and joy.  But I won’t forget…that I am blessed.  God is good!

~ by Jenn on December 22, 2008.