I have spent almost two years (give or take) of my life in transition now, but in the last six months things have really settled as I’ve found my own place to call home and as I’ve really become more comfortable with the person I am. There are, of course, still hard times, but I am so thankful that I was given this opportunity. For the first time I’m glad to know who I am, as opposed to being the girl everyone else wants me to be.
I’ve been through three distinct phases in the last two years; first there was the living in the past, trying to figure out what the heck happened, what I could have done to stop it, and how I couldn’t have seen it coming. After that there was the “just get through today” stage, which I made it through because of God’s own grace and the amazing friends and family He gave to me. Next came the longest phase…the “forward” phase, which started as I sought out a job in a new place, moved and established a home, friendships, and a more stable, less drama-filled life for all of us. The forward phase has been a good one, and very essential in the healing process. It allowed me to stop looking back at the closed doors and to really start dreaming about the future, a future that was suddenly wide open for me. I am, very naturally, a dreamer, and so this has been a good phase for me.
The problem? At some point I need to stop looking toward the future and start looking at TODAY. I don’t want to spend all of my time wondering how things are going to turn out and what’s going to happen in my life, only to miss the good things here right now. I have amazing friends, amazing children, and other really special things happening right now, and I don’t want to miss any of it. I also don’t want to be paralyzed by fear. Lately I’m realizing that there are certain parts of life that I am wary about, or that make me worry extra-even though they aren’t things to worry about, but rather to take in and enjoy for today, without worrying about the future. I cannot live in fear of getting hurt or things not working out; the reality is that, sometimes in life, those things happen, and it’s hard, but we always come out on the other side. And…sometimes, taking the risk to move forward and to live for today ends up better than we ever could have imagined it.
Sometimes, “pressing on” means pressing on in today, not pressing on toward tomorrow. I’m ready to start living for today, to enjoying life in the moment.
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ~Jeremiah 29:11

I meant to blog my heart out over break, but it was busy and when I tried the words wouldn’t come. I figure there’s no reason to pour my heart out if there’s nothing pressing to say.